I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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