I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is my gift to your gina
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
