PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
