dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
