i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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