I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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