i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
