Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
