the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
