U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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