It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
