I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
