Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
