Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
