We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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