i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
