she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
