Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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