Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
