Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
