you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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