Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
