ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
