She just used a chaser for red wine.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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