you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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