Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
