This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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