Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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