...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
