beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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