I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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