yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
