I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
