Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
