After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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