How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
