And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
