According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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