meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
