I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
