Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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