Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
