That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
