Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
