did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
