He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
