At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
