hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
