Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
