good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I AM VODKA MAN
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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