What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
