You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
