Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
