Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
