I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
