just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
